Children who grow up under coercive control are navigating two worlds — one built on fear, and one built on safety. And when they come home dysregulated, explosive, or even aggressive, it’s not because they’re “bad”… it’s because they’re surviving. What you’re seeing is control in the context of no control, just as Dr. Evan Stark describes. Your child is being controlled by the abuser — and simultaneously fearing that if they don’t align, they’ll face the same punishment, rejection, or contempt
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When a child says, “I don’t feel safe,” it should matter. But in coercive control cases, courts often ignore these disclosures — sometimes even punishing the child or flipping custody. Reunification camps, late-night removals, and years of litigation don’t heal families. They retraumatize them — and reward the abusive parent. Children aren’t resisting out of manipulation. They’re responding to fear, pressure, and survival in a system that fails to protect them. In this conversation with Kim Hone
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Coercive control isn’t “invisible abuse.” It’s the foundation of all abuse — the slow, intentional erosion of autonomy, safety, and connection. 💔 Many abusers don’t need to use violence — their psychological tactics work just as well. And when children are caught in it, their painful words or behaviors aren’t rebellion — they’re survival. In this video, Dr. Christine Cocchiola — researcher, advocate, and protective parent — shares how narcissistic abuse and coercive control intersect, and why u
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